Why You Keep Attracting the Wrong Relationship | Jim Curtis
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
In this episode of the School of Greatness, Lewis Howes welcomes back transformational coach and wellness pioneer Jim Curtis for an intimate conversation about breaking free from limiting beliefs and unlocking authentic power. Curtis opens up about his twenty-year journey living with chronic pain that he now recognizes was rooted in a subconscious belief that he deserved suffering due to childhood programming from an abusive father. (05:46) The discussion explores how childhood experiences between ages zero to eight create subconscious programs that can keep us trapped in cycles of fear, jealousy, and victimhood well into adulthood. Curtis shares practical tools including the Hawaiian Ho'oponopono prayer, nervous system regulation techniques, and the transformative power of "I am" statements to reprogram the subconscious mind and step into alignment with our authentic selves.
- Main Theme: How subconscious programming from childhood creates lifelong patterns of self-sabotage, and the specific practices needed to heal these wounds and access authentic power through self-acceptance and nervous system regulation.
Speakers
Lewis Howes
Lewis Howes is the host of the School of Greatness podcast and New York Times bestselling author of "Make Money Easy." He's a former professional athlete turned entrepreneur and thought leader who focuses on helping ambitious individuals unlock their potential and create meaningful success in all areas of life.
Jim Curtis
Jim Curtis is an author, speaker, hypnotist, transformational coach, and wellness pioneer whose mission is to change the health and wellness of the world. He spent twenty years successfully building his career while struggling with chronic pain and difficult relationships before discovering that his suffering was rooted in subconscious programming from childhood trauma. Curtis now helps others break free from limiting beliefs through his coaching programs and has written the book "Shift: Quantum Manifestation Guide."
Key Takeaways
Your Subconscious Mind is Waiting for Directions
Jim Curtis reveals that while our conscious mind represents only 5% of our mental activity, 95% operates at the subconscious level through habits, reflexes, beliefs, and our autonomic nervous system. (14:01) The subconscious mind acts as a servant, waiting for direction from our conscious thoughts and language. This is why "I am" statements become the most powerful tool for reshaping identity - whatever follows "I am" becomes a direct instruction to your subconscious about who you are. Curtis emphasizes that our identity literally creates our reality, making conscious direction of our self-talk crucial for transformation.
Childhood Programming Runs Your Adult Life Until You Heal It
Between ages zero to eight, we are programmed by significant emotional experiences that create our core beliefs about ourselves and the world. (08:42) Curtis shares how his abusive father's explosive anger made him believe he was responsible for others' emotions and inherently "bad." These programs continue running automatically in adulthood, causing us to attract relationships and situations that mirror our unhealed trauma. Understanding that these are installed programs rather than truth about who you are is the first step toward reprogramming them.
The Ho'oponopono Prayer Can Physically Heal Pain
The Hawaiian prayer "I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you" has profound healing power when practiced consistently. (20:00) Curtis shares how this prayer changed his life, and Lewis recounts eliminating chronic dental pain within thirty minutes by looking in a mirror and repeating these words to himself. The practice works by addressing the energetic and emotional components of physical pain, helping release stored trauma that manifests as illness or chronic conditions in the body.
Three Core Thoughts Keep You in Lower Energetic States
Curtis identifies jealousy, fear, and victimhood as the primary mental patterns that trap people in lower vibrational states. (03:40) Jealousy involves comparing yourself to others, especially amplified by social media's unlimited comparison opportunities. Fear encompasses not being good enough, lovable enough, or capable enough. Victimhood represents the belief that you have no power or agency over your circumstances. Recognizing when these patterns are running allows you to consciously choose higher vibrational thoughts and actions instead.
Accept Yourself First to Attract Healthy Relationships
Both speakers share how their relationships transformed once they stopped seeking validation from others and started accepting themselves fully. (32:12) When you don't accept yourself, you attract people who mirror that energy and withhold acceptance, creating cycles of chasing approval. Once you genuinely accept your authentic self, you naturally set boundaries and refuse to tolerate relationships where you're not fully accepted. This shift from chemical-based attraction to values-based love creates the foundation for peaceful, sustainable partnerships.
Statistics & Facts
- The conscious mind represents only 5% of our mental activity, while 95% operates at the subconscious level through habits, reflexes, beliefs, and the autonomic nervous system. (14:34) This statistic, shared by Jim Curtis, explains why willpower alone often fails and why subconscious reprogramming is essential for lasting change.
- A study showed that a man who prayed the Ho'oponopono prayer over photographs of violent inmates reduced violent crime in that prison by 50%. (20:44) Curtis cites this research to demonstrate the powerful energetic effects of the Hawaiian healing prayer when practiced with intention.
- We can only perceive a fraction of 1% of every particle of light and energy around us. (71:03) Curtis uses this fact about human perception to illustrate how much possibility exists beyond what we can directly observe, supporting the idea that manifestation operates through unseen energetic forces.
