Why 63% of Young Men Have Stopped Trying | Scott Galloway
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
Scott Galloway unpacks the crisis facing young men today in this raw and unfiltered conversation with Lewis Howes. (00:32) Four times more likely to die by suicide, three times more likely to be addicted or homeless, 12 times more likely to be incarcerated - these aren't just statistics, they're warnings about an entire generation losing access to traditional pathways that once helped men become providers, protectors, and partners. (02:44) Galloway challenges the comfortable narrative that young men just need to figure it out on their own, instead arguing that society has torn up the script for women (rightfully so) while leaving men without a clear roadmap. The conversation explores how big tech companies are monetizing loneliness, sequestering young men from real-world connections, and what it truly means to generate "surplus value" in relationships and society. (13:12)
• Main themes: The modern masculinity crisis, economic and social factors affecting young men, the role of relationships in male development, and actionable strategies for men to level up while supporting women's continued advancementSpeakers
Scott Galloway
Scott Galloway is a bestselling author, professor, and entrepreneur who hosts the Professor G podcast and co-hosts both Pivot and Raging Moderates podcasts. His latest book "Notes on Being a Man" recently hit #1 on Amazon's bestseller list. A former professor at NYU Stern School of Business, Galloway has founded and sold multiple companies while becoming one of the most prominent voices discussing masculinity, economics, and society's challenges facing young men today.
Lewis Howes
Lewis Howes is the host of The School of Greatness podcast and a New York Times bestselling author of multiple books including "The Mask of Masculinity" and "Make Money Easy." A former professional athlete turned entrepreneur, Howes has built a media empire focused on helping people achieve greatness in all areas of life. He's known for his vulnerable approach to discussing masculinity and personal development, often sharing his own journey of healing from childhood trauma.
Key Takeaways
Generate Surplus Value in All Relationships
Richard Reeves' concept of "surplus value" provides the litmus test for when a male becomes a man. (16:10) This means approaching relationships from a generative viewpoint - giving more economic value than you absorb, offering more emotional support than you receive, and providing more love and protection than you take. Galloway explains how he used to approach relationships transactionally, keeping score and exiting when he wasn't getting more value than he was giving. The transformation comes when you flip the script: instead of asking "what am I getting from this relationship," you ask "what kind of person do I want to be in this relationship?" (17:57) This shift from transactional to generative thinking creates the foundation for mature masculinity.
Master the Ability to Endure Rejection
The skill that underpins all success - whether in business, relationships, or personal growth - is the ability to endure rejection and get back up. (34:14) Galloway emphasizes that every great "yes" in life involves a ridiculous number of "no's" beforehand. He advocates for a practice called "get to no" - intentionally putting yourself in situations where you might face rejection, whether expressing platonic friendship or romantic interest. The goal isn't to avoid rejection, but to build calluses against it. (36:35) This skill becomes even more critical as 40% of men aged 18-24 have never asked a woman out in person, creating a generation that lacks this fundamental resilience muscle.
Embrace the Three Pillars: Provider, Protector, Procreator
Modern masculinity rests on three foundational pillars that haven't fundamentally changed despite societal shifts. (26:26) As a provider, men must develop economic viability in a capitalist society - not necessarily earning more than their partner, but contributing meaningfully to the household's prosperity. Protection extends beyond physical strength to emotional and psychological protection of family, friends, and community. The procreator aspect isn't just about having children, but channeling the drive for romantic and sexual relationships into positive self-improvement. (34:38) Galloway argues that men's desire for relationships shouldn't be pathologized but celebrated, as this drive motivates men to become better versions of themselves - more fit, more successful, more kind.
Put Away the Scorecard in Relationships
The biggest unlock in Galloway's personal development came from abandoning transactional thinking in relationships. (75:35) Instead of keeping score with family members, partners, or friends based on what they give versus what they receive, decide what kind of person you want to be in each relationship and hold yourself to that standard regardless of their behavior. This applies especially to difficult family relationships - rather than withholding love because a parent or sibling didn't meet your expectations, focus on being the son, brother, or partner you want to be. This approach not only improves relationships but provides personal fulfillment and growth independent of others' actions.
Resist the Algorithm's Grip on Your Life
Big tech companies make billions by keeping young men isolated on screens, away from real-world relationships and experiences. (13:32) Galloway warns that ground zero for the economy is monetizing young people's attention, with young men being particularly susceptible due to less mature prefrontal cortex development. The solution requires intentional resistance: spend more time in the presence of other people than on screens, take risks in expressing friendship and romantic interest, and apply for opportunities you're not fully qualified for. (87:06) The anxiety and loneliness from avoiding real-world connections will ultimately be far greater than any fear of rejection or failure in actual relationships.
Statistics & Facts
- Men are struggling across multiple metrics: four times as likely to kill themselves, three times as likely to be addicted or homeless, and 12 times as likely to be incarcerated compared to women. (02:52) Galloway emphasizes that in morgues, four out of five suicide deaths are men, yet this crisis receives less attention than it would if affecting any other demographic group.
- One in three relationships begin at work, making remote work particularly damaging for young people's social development. (07:00) Additionally, one in three men under 25 are living with their parents, rising to one in five men under 30 still at home, indicating a failure to launch into independent adulthood.
- When women become the primary breadwinner in relationships, the likelihood of divorce doubles and men's use of erectile dysfunction drugs triples. (49:56) Currently 17% of households have women as the primary breadwinner, though this number is expected to grow significantly as women increasingly outnumber men in higher education.
