5 Lessons to Become Magnetic — Stop Chasing and Start Attracting [Lewis Howes SOLO]
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
In this episode of the School of Greatness, Lewis Howes shares five transformative lessons about relationships and personal magnetism drawn from conversations with his wife Martha. He explores why chasing love actually makes you less attractive and how true magnetism comes from alignment, healing, and making conscious daily choices. (00:00)
- Main theme: Moving from a scarcity mindset of "chasing" love to an abundance mindset of attracting healthy relationships through personal wholeness and alignment
Speakers
Lewis Howes
Lewis Howes is the host of the School of Greatness podcast, which has been running for almost 13 years. He's the author of "The Greatness Mindset" and has built his platform around helping ambitious professionals unlock their potential and create meaningful relationships through personal development and healing.
Martha (Howes)
Martha is Lewis Howes' wife, frequently referenced throughout the episode for her wisdom about relationships. She comes from a family with strong relationship values - her parents have been married for over 40 years and continue to model healthy partnership dynamics.
Key Takeaways
Don't Make Someone Your Whole World
The fastest way to push someone away is making them your entire universe. Real attraction happens when your world is already full and expansive with activities, relationships, and purpose. (00:37) Martha told Lewis "I'm not your world. I'm your Jupiter in your solar system." This creates magnetic energy because you're inviting rather than clinging, coming from abundance rather than neediness.
Values Attract More Than Interests
Chemistry fades, but values last - that's the difference between a fling and forever. (02:46) While shared hobbies create connection, shared values create sustainability. Martha emphasizes needing "values, vision and lifestyle in alignment." (04:29) Focus on asking questions that reveal core values like integrity, family priorities, and life vision rather than surface-level interests.
Heal the Wounds That Make You Chase
Sometimes you're not chasing a person - you're chasing what your wounds are attracted to. (06:22) Lewis realized his chasing behavior came from childhood wounds of rejection, abandonment, and shame. Martha observes that "people are looking for love as a wounded child instead of being open to love as an adult." (07:29) Until you heal these wounds, you'll keep attracting familiar pain rather than healthy partnerships.
Love is a Daily Choice, Not a Chase
Magnetism comes when you stop chasing fleeting chemistry and start choosing consistency and character. (15:05) Martha's mother, married over 40 years, shared that "love isn't just a spark - it's a choice you make daily." (17:04) Look for consistency in words matching actions over time rather than getting caught up in initial chemistry that might be triggered by unhealed wounds.
Magnetism Comes from Alignment, Not Performance
You don't need to prove your worth - you need to own it. (23:43) Lewis learned that real magnetism happens when your actions, words, and priorities are aligned rather than when you're performing to impress someone. The most attractive people aren't trying to prove anything - they're living authentically from their values and are willing to have courageous conversations about alignment.
Statistics & Facts
- Martha's parents have been married for over 40 years and still maintain a playful, connected relationship, demonstrating that love as a daily choice creates lasting partnerships. (17:07)
- Lewis invested four years of intensive therapy plus ten years of various trainings to reach new levels of consciousness and heal his nervous system for healthier relationships. (19:10)
- The School of Greatness podcast has been running for almost 13 years, providing weekly content focused on personal development and relationship mastery. (08:22)
