The Secret to Stopping Fear & Creating the Future You Want with Shonda Rhimes
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
In this transformational episode, Shonda Rhimes joins Mel Robbins to share her deeply personal journey from living a small, fear-driven life to embracing radical transformation through the power of saying "yes." (00:51) Despite being at the height of her career with Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, and other groundbreaking shows, Shonda reveals she was living in a "very small corner" of her own life, saying no to everything that scared her. (05:09) The turning point came during Thanksgiving when her sister asked a simple but profound question: "Are you gonna do any of these things?" referring to the many invitations Shonda had been declining. (13:26) This led to her year-long commitment to say yes to everything that frightened her, ultimately transforming not just her career but her entire identity, relationships, and approach to life.
- Main Theme: The episode explores how fear disguises itself as safety and comfort, keeping us trapped in small lives, and how deliberately saying "yes" to what scares us can unlock our true potential and authentic selves.
Speakers
Shonda Rhimes
Shonda Rhimes is one of the most powerful voices in entertainment history and CEO of the global media company Shondaland. She's the creator of Grey's Anatomy (now in its 22nd season), Scandal, and executive producer of Bridgerton and How to Get Away with Murder. Her shows have won Emmys, Golden Globes, and a Peabody Award, and she's been inducted into the Television Hall of Fame. She's also a New York Times bestselling author of "Year of Yes," which chronicles her transformational journey from introversion and fear to embracing courage and authenticity.
Mel Robbins
Mel Robbins is a bestselling author, podcast host, and motivational speaker known for her practical approach to personal development. She hosts The Mel Robbins Podcast and has written several bestselling books including "The Let Them Theory," helping millions of people overcome fear and take action toward their goals.
Key Takeaways
Fear Is Information, Not a Stop Sign
Shonda reveals that fear isn't your enemy—it's information telling you to pay attention because something important is happening. (75:58) She learned that "the magic is not in the absence of fear. It is in what you choose to do while fear is sitting shotgun in your car, backseat driving your entire life." Instead of letting fear paralyze you, use it as a compass pointing toward growth opportunities. When you feel that familiar fear about applying for a job, starting a business, or having a difficult conversation, recognize it as your body's way of highlighting something significant worth pursuing.
Start With Small Yeses to Build Courage Muscle
The transformation doesn't require massive leaps—it begins with small, manageable yeses that gradually build your confidence muscle. (15:55) Shonda started by saying yes to a commencement speech six months away, giving herself time to process while keeping her commitment. She explains that "doing the things that you fear undoes the fear" and that each small yes builds a "layer of confidence" you've never had before. (35:59) Whether it's attending a networking event, taking an exercise class, or having lunch alone, these seemingly minor acts of courage compound into major personal transformation.
Every Decision Is Either a Yes to Yourself or a No
Shonda's framework simplifies every choice: Am I saying yes to myself or yes to someone else's expectations? (23:01) She discovered that "the nos pile up" in small ways—skipping workouts, avoiding social events, declining opportunities—until "suddenly, your whole life is completely different than you envisioned." The key is recognizing when you're saying yes to make others happy versus saying yes to things that "complete you" and make you feel whole. (35:18) This simple filter helps you distinguish between people-pleasing and authentic self-care.
Difficult Conversations Are Less Painful Than Avoidance
Avoiding difficult conversations creates more suffering than having them. (28:31) Shonda admits she used to be so afraid of conflict that she once "fired people who did not know they were fired and came to work the next day." (30:22) She learned that "the energy you expend making it okay that somebody else is doing something you're afraid to talk to them about" is far more depleting than just saying what needs to be said. Her advice: "Say the hard thing first if you can" to avoid the mental gymnastics of trying to soften the blow while ensuring the message actually gets delivered.
Stop Being Cruel to Yourself
We are significantly harder on ourselves than we would ever be on anyone else in our lives. (49:33) Shonda realized that "the cruelty with which I treated myself is no longer tolerated" and began treating herself with the same kindness she'd show a friend. (50:02) This includes simple practices like accepting compliments with just "thank you" instead of deflecting, (45:00) and speaking to yourself with the same compassion you'd use with someone you love. The goal is to become someone who likes themselves enough to want themselves to be happy—a revolutionary shift for many people.
Statistics & Facts
- Shonda Rhimes has written more than 600 hours of primetime television, showcasing the massive scope of her creative output over her career. (02:55)
- Grey's Anatomy is currently in its 22nd season, making it one of the longest-running medical dramas in television history. (02:43)
- During her year of yes transformation, Shonda lost 127 pounds, demonstrating the physical manifestation of her internal changes. (47:34)
