3 Questions to Ask Yourself to Figure Out What You Really Want
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
In this powerful episode, Mel Robbins shares three transformative questions from Stanford University's acclaimed "Designing Your Life" course, developed by professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans. These questions form what's known as the Odyssey Plan, a proven method to shake up your mindset and reveal new possibilities when you're feeling stuck or lost. (00:38) Mel emphasizes that these aren't just feel-good questions—they're research-backed tools that have helped millions of people discover their "unfinished business" and design lives they love. The episode begins with a compelling story about Mel's friend who, at 56, realized he had unfinished business with himself and wanted to make music the center of his life. (02:29)
- Main theme: Using Stanford's Odyssey Plan to identify unfinished business, overcome limiting beliefs, and create actionable change in your life through three powerful questions
Speakers
Mel Robbins
Mel Robbins is a renowned motivational speaker, bestselling author, and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast. She's the author of multiple #1 bestselling books including "The Let Them Theory" and "The 5 Second Rule." Previously, Mel built a successful speaking career, delivering presentations at major corporations like Microsoft (7 events), JPMorgan (51 events), and Starbucks, traveling 150 days per year before pivoting to podcasting. She's known for translating complex psychological research into practical, actionable advice for personal transformation.
Key Takeaways
Visualize Your Current Path's True Destination
The first question forces you to be brutally honest about where your current choices are leading. (05:51) Mel explains that most people live day-to-day hoping things will change by accident, but without intentional action, your current path will likely lead to the same place or worse. This isn't about visualizing your dream life, but about confronting what happens if nothing changes. As Mel puts it, your current actions are all leading to a particular destination—do you still want to go in that direction? This revelation creates the necessary discomfort to motivate change because you realize you're on autopilot toward an unfulfilling future.
Embrace the Power of Plan B Thinking
The second question—"If your current path disappeared tomorrow, what would you do?"—pulls the rug out from under you in the best possible way. (21:38) Mel emphasizes that this isn't meant to scare you but to free you by forcing you to see options you've been blind to. When you consider Plan B while still in Plan A, you can leverage your full brainpower for problem-solving instead of waiting until crisis hits. This mental exercise reveals that you've always had more options than you think—you're just spending energy arguing with yourself about limitations rather than exploring possibilities.
Give Yourself Permission to Dream Without Limits
The third question asks how life would look if nothing was holding you back, creating space for unbridled possibility. (38:01) Mel points out that most people haven't allowed themselves to truly daydream since childhood because adult responsibilities and others' expectations weigh them down. This question connects you to intrinsic values like growth, connection, and contribution rather than external validation. Research shows people focused on inner values report higher life satisfaction and less anxiety than those chasing status or wealth.
Transform Dreams into Daily Experiments
After answering all three questions, the key is creating small "prototypes" to test your insights without blowing up your life. (54:44) Mel shares how her husband Christopher wanted to write a book, so he simply added 15-20 minutes of writing to his morning routine. Later, he prioritized it by waking up at 5:15 AM to write before anything else, signaling that writing wasn't just a nice-to-have but core to his identity. These small daily experiments let you gather information about what energizes you versus what drains you, gradually revealing your next steps.
Use "Let Them" to Overcome Opinion-Based Paralysis
The biggest obstacle to acting on your insights isn't money—it's fear of what others will think. (42:28) Mel advocates using her "Let Them Theory" to reclaim time and energy spent managing others' feelings and expectations. Let them misunderstand you, be disappointed, or unfollow you. People already think negative thoughts about you anyway, so free yourself to pursue what makes your heart sing. This mindset shift allows you to start making changes today even when people don't understand your choices.
Statistics & Facts
- Stanford's "Designing Your Life" course has been taught for 15 years and is so popular that even Stanford students have difficulty getting enrolled. (05:05)
- Research by Julian Voigt at the University of Munich published in Current Psychology found that when people form vivid visions of their future, those mental pictures boost positive emotions, help set worthwhile goals, and increase commitment, leading to more progress. (19:01)
- A 2015 study by Kim Kasser at Knox College published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that people focused on inner values like contribution, connection, and meaningful work reported higher life satisfaction and significantly less anxiety than those chasing external status or wealth. (40:36)
