World Leading Psychologist: The 19 Words That Change How You Handle Criticism | Adam Grant
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
In this conversation, world-leading organizational psychologist Adam Grant explores the mental demands of genuine high performance. Grant unpacks why the best performers build challenge networks instead of echo chambers, revealing how great leaders prioritize growth over ego protection. (01:46) He demonstrates how real loyalty means speaking up honestly rather than staying silent, and shares practical frameworks for sustainable success that brings clarity, confidence, and calm to anyone striving to perform at their best.
- Main themes: The episode focuses on sustainable high performance through ego management, building effective challenge networks, and reframing feedback as fuel for growth rather than threats to self-image.
Speakers
Adam Grant
Adam Grant is a world-leading organizational psychologist and Wharton's top-rated professor for seven consecutive years. He is the author of several bestselling books including "Give and Take" and "Think Again," and his research on leadership, mindset, and performance has influenced CEOs, athletes, and creatives worldwide. Grant specializes in helping high performers build sustainable success through evidence-based approaches to growth and collaboration.
Key Takeaways
Master the "Second Score" Mentality
Grant reveals a transformative approach to handling criticism and setbacks through what his colleague Sheila Heen calls giving yourself a "second score." (04:01) The first score represents the initial feedback or failure - which you cannot change. The second score measures how well you respond to that feedback. This shift in focus from defending your first performance to excelling at your response creates a pathway for continuous improvement. Grant learned this early when seeking brutal feedback on his public speaking, with students calling him nervous and comparing him to a Muppet. Instead of fighting these perceptions, he focused on earning an A+ for how well he took the criticism, which ultimately made him a award-winning professor.
Build Challenge Networks with Disagreeable Givers
High performers surround themselves with "disagreeable givers" - people who are willing to challenge you because they genuinely care about your growth, not to feed their own egos. (11:27) Grant explains that agreeable people often hesitate to give tough love, while disagreeable people are more likely to tell uncomfortable truths. However, their motivation matters crucially - disagreeable takers criticize for personal gain, while disagreeable givers challenge you to help you improve. These individuals become your most valuable coaches and critics because they prioritize your long-term development over short-term comfort.
Use the 19-Word Formula for Effective Feedback
Grant shares research showing that roughly 19 words can dramatically increase someone's openness to criticism: "I'm giving you these comments because I have very high expectations, and I'm confident that you're gonna reach them." (13:16) This approach signals belief in the person's potential rather than judgment of their current performance. Additionally, asking people to assess their own performance first helps identify blind spots and makes feedback more targeted and effective. This two-step process transforms criticism from an attack into coaching.
Redefine Loyalty as Honesty
Grant challenges the common belief that loyalty requires agreeable silence, arguing instead that "the highest expression of loyalty is honesty." (21:07) Many people feel conflict between being honest and being loyal, especially in agreeable cultures. However, true care for someone means helping them improve, even if it's uncomfortable in the moment. Grant tells his colleagues that the only way they can hurt him is by not telling him the truth. This reframe eliminates the politeness trap and creates relationships built on genuine support rather than superficial harmony.
Ask "Why Are You Here?" for Relationship Clarity
Before giving advice or feedback, Grant always asks what the person actually needs: validation, new options, or rigorous challenge to their thinking. (25:57) This simple question prevents mismatched expectations and ineffective interactions. People seeking advice might want approval for a decision they've already made, brainstorming of new possibilities, or aggressive stress-testing of their reasoning. Understanding the goal completely changes the conversation and ensures both parties get value from the interaction.
Statistics & Facts
- In Huckman and Pisano's study of cardiac surgeons, the number of minimally invasive surgeries needed before patient mortality rates dropped was effectively infinite when surgeons operated at different hospitals - patients were equally likely to die on surgery number 100 as surgery number one. (09:56) However, when surgeons operated at the same hospital with the same team, every surgery reduced patient mortality by about one percent, highlighting the critical importance of team collaboration.
- Research shows that children raised in homes where parents never argue actually develop worse conflict resolution skills than those raised where parents disagree respectfully. (22:58) Kids who witness constructive disagreement learn to speak up and listen to different viewpoints, developing better resilience.
- Grant was rated Wharton's best professor for seven consecutive years, an achievement he attributes to systematically seeking student feedback and focusing on earning high marks for how well he responded to criticism rather than avoiding it altogether.
