Confidence Expert Dr. Shadé Zahrai: Feel Like You’re Not Enough? THIS Proven 4 Part Framework Will Transform Your Self-Image & Build REAL Confidence
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
Dr. Shadé Zahrai joins Jay Shetty to explore the psychology behind self-doubt and provide a comprehensive framework for rebuilding self-trust. Shadé unpacks how self-doubt quietly influences our decisions through what she calls the four drivers of self-doubt, which stem from our self-image - much like invisible scars we carry that shape our expectations and interactions with the world. (05:45)
- Main themes include understanding the four pillars of self-trust (acceptance, agency, autonomy, and adaptability), learning practical techniques to overcome imposter syndrome and perfectionism, and developing the ability to take action despite fear and uncertainty.
Speakers
Dr. Shadé Zahrai
Dr. Shadé Zahrai is an award-winning leadership expert, author of "Big Trust," and holds a PhD in organizational psychology. She spent over a decade in corporate environments including commercial law and banking before transitioning to help leaders and teams overcome self-doubt and build confidence through evidence-based frameworks.
Jay Shetty
Jay Shetty is the host of On Purpose, a former monk, and bestselling author. He's dedicated his platform to sharing wisdom about personal growth, mental health, and purposeful living with millions of followers worldwide.
Key Takeaways
Confidence Comes After Action, Not Before
90% of people wait for confidence before taking action, but research shows confidence actually comes after we act. (02:34) The word "confidence" comes from Latin meaning "with trust" - what we need is self-trust: trusting that we can handle whatever comes our way, whether we succeed or fail. This reframe is powerful because it shifts focus from waiting to feel ready to building trust in our ability to adapt and learn.
Self-Doubt Stems from Four Key Drivers in Your Self-Image
Self-doubt isn't one monolithic problem but stems from four specific areas: acceptance (self-worth), agency (belief in your capabilities), autonomy (sense of control), and adaptability (emotional regulation). (04:32) Like the scar study Shadé references, we carry invisible beliefs about ourselves that shape our expectations and experiences. Identifying which driver is strongest helps target specific solutions rather than generic confidence advice.
Replace "Should" with "Could" to Open Possibilities
When facing setbacks or feeling stuck, avoid "should" language which creates resistance and feelings of compulsion. (100:00) Instead, create an "I could" list of all possible actions, then convert three items to an "I will" list. Research shows "could" activates divergent thinking and opens up creative solutions, while "should" triggers reactance and avoidance.
Reframe Your Story from Contamination to Redemption
Everyone faces hardships, but the story you tell about those experiences determines their impact. (102:59) Contamination stories keep you stuck in victimhood, while redemptive stories focus on growth and learning. The key is changing not the facts of what happened, but the meaning you assign to those experiences through narrative re-identification.
Use the Three-Second Spiral Stop for Emotional Regulation
When emotions hijack your thinking, use this technique: take a breath, acknowledge your brain is doing its protective job, remind yourself there's no physical danger, then take the smallest possible action. (122:32) This engages your prefrontal cortex and reduces amygdala activation, allowing rational thinking to return.
Statistics & Facts
- 90% of people wait for confidence before taking action, but research shows confidence comes after taking action, not before. (02:06)
- Studies show that up to 82% of people experience imposter syndrome at some point in their lives. (68:28)
- Nobel Prize-winning scientists are three times more likely than regular scientists to have creative hobbies, and 22 times more likely to have hobbies in performing arts. (16:51)
