Untangle Your Relationship with Money for Better Mental, Emotional, and Financial Well-Being
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
This Smart Money episode features a powerful conversation with financial therapist Aja Evans about healing your relationship with money, followed by practical advice for a listener navigating job loss. Evans, author of "Feel-Good Finance," explores how childhood experiences and financial trauma shape our spending behaviors and money shame. (03:00) The episode then shifts to listener Brie, who was laid off three and a half weeks ago and is strategically managing her finances while job searching. She discusses tough decisions around COBRA vs. marketplace health insurance, tapping emergency savings, and maintaining her Chile relocation dreams despite the setback.
- Main themes include emotional money healing, practical unemployment strategies, and rebuilding financial confidence after job loss
Speakers
Aja Evans
Aja Evans is a financial therapist and author of "Feel-Good Finance: Untangle Your Relationship with Money for Better Mental, Emotional, and Financial Well-Being." She specializes in helping people work through financial trauma, money shame, and emotional spending patterns through therapeutic techniques combined with practical financial guidance.
Sean Pyles & Elizabeth Ayoola
Sean Pyles and Elizabeth Ayoola are hosts of NerdWallet's Smart Money Podcast. They provide expert financial advice and guidance to listeners navigating various money challenges, from job loss to investment decisions.
Brie
Brie is a listener from Chicago who recently experienced job loss after her position was eliminated during company restructuring. She had been planning to move to Chile and demonstrates strong financial discipline with 4-6 months of emergency savings and strategic budget management.
Key Takeaways
Master Your Money Emotions Through Practice
Evans emphasizes that improving your relationship with money requires deliberate practice in comfortable settings before facing high-stakes situations. (06:21) She shared how practicing salary negotiations with trusted family members builds confidence for real conversations. This approach extends beyond negotiations to include discussing estate plans, workplace compensation, and financial goals with partners. The key is starting these conversations with people you trust, gradually building comfort with money discussions that many find taboo.
Understand Your Spending Triggers
Spending often serves as an emotional coping mechanism that provides temporary dopamine hits but doesn't address underlying feelings. (10:40) Evans explains that we frequently try to "buy our way out of feelings" – purchasing workout gear to feel fit, expensive blazers to command respect, or luxury items to boost self-esteem. The solution involves creating a "dopamine menu" of free activities that provide emotional satisfaction without financial cost, helping break the cycle of emotional spending.
Build Multiple Income Streams During Unemployment
When facing job loss, prioritize any income generation over perfect job matching, as the typical unemployment period now extends to around ten weeks according to NerdWallet's 2025 labor market report. (21:32) Brie's situation demonstrates this principle – while she's prioritizing remote work to maintain her Chile plans, the hosts emphasized finding part-time or contract work to preserve savings and avoid tapping retirement funds or accumulating debt.
Create Structured Rewards During Financial Stress
Brie developed an innovative reward system tied to job search milestones, starting with free rewards (extra sleep, painting nails) for early goals and progressing to small purchases (tennis shoes, pottery class) for major achievements. (30:04) This approach maintains motivation while respecting tight budget constraints, providing psychological benefits without derailing financial discipline during unemployment.
Prioritize High-Yield Savings and COBRA Analysis
Two critical financial moves emerged from the episode: transferring savings to high-yield accounts to earn money on your money, and carefully analyzing COBRA versus marketplace insurance costs. (12:25) Brie faces a $971 monthly COBRA premium against her $2,600 total monthly expenses, highlighting how health insurance can dominate an unemployment budget and requiring strategic decision-making about coverage levels versus affordability.
Statistics & Facts
- The typical unemployment period is now around ten weeks according to NerdWallet's 2025 labor market report, and this duration has been increasing over time. (21:32) This statistic was shared by Elizabeth to help Brie understand why finding any work quickly, even part-time, is crucial rather than waiting for the perfect role.
- Brie's COBRA health insurance costs $971 per month, representing over one-third of her total monthly expenses of $2,600. (26:28) This demonstrates how health insurance can become a major budget burden during unemployment, sometimes forcing difficult coverage decisions.
- Brie has 4-6 months of emergency savings available, which she built up partially due to planning her move to Chile. (15:54) This exemplifies the recommended emergency fund size and shows how life planning can inadvertently create financial safety nets.
