You 2.0: The Practice of Patience
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
This Hidden Brain episode explores the psychology of patience through compelling stories and scientific research. (02:23) Psychologist Sarah Schnitker discusses three types of patience and their role in personal and professional success, examining cases like RG3's rushed return to football, Howard Dean's premature Iowa recovery speech, and Samsung's Galaxy Note 7 disaster. The episode reveals how our brains are wired for certainty, making uncertainty deeply uncomfortable, and provides practical strategies for developing patience including mindfulness, reappraisal, and finding flow states. (42:27) The second segment features Jennifer Tosti-Kharas answering listener questions about finding and maintaining career callings, exploring the benefits and costs of passionate work and offering guidance for those still searching for meaningful professional purpose.
- Main themes include understanding patience as an active skill rather than passive waiting, the three types of patience (interpersonal, life hardships, daily hassles), techniques for building patience capacity, the relationship between purpose and patience, and navigating career callings throughout different life stages
Speakers
Sarah Schnitker
Sarah Schnitker is a psychologist at Baylor University who specializes in studying the science of patience. Her research focuses on how patience affects mental and physical health, relationships, and personal development, with particular attention to the role of purpose and spirituality in developing patience capacity.
Jennifer Tosti-Kharas
Jennifer Tosti-Kharas is a psychologist at Babson College who studies the psychology of meaningful work and career callings. She is co-author of "Is Your Work Worth It? How to Think About Meaningful Work" and her research examines the benefits and costs of pursuing passionate work versus more practical career choices.
Key Takeaways
Distinguish Between Patience and Passivity
True patience requires balancing waiting with courage and action. (28:44) Sarah Schnitker explains that virtuous patience exists in a "sweet spot" between recklessness and passivity. The key indicator is seeing both patience and courage in your actions - if you only practice patience without instances of courage, you might be becoming too passive. This applies whether you're waiting for career opportunities, healing from illness, or pursuing long-term goals. Martin Luther King Jr. exemplified this balance through civil disobedience, showing immense patience while also demonstrating abundant courage in fighting for justice.
Practice Emotional Acknowledgment Instead of Suppression
When feeling impatient, stop and reflect on the experience rather than trying to suppress the feeling. (37:57) Schnitker's research shows that patient people don't try to suppress their feelings but instead acknowledge them. Take a moment to say "I'm really frustrated with this person asking me the same question for the fifteenth time" and observe that feeling as a third person. This removes some of the power of the feeling and becomes the first step to actually being patient. This counterintuitive approach works better than the common advice to simply "don't be upset."
Use Reappraisal to Reframe Difficult Situations
Learn to think about challenging situations differently through benefit finding and perspective taking. (39:52) Simple reappraisal strategies include asking "what is the good thing I can notice in this scenario?" or thinking about situations from someone else's perspective. For example, when a three-year-old is screaming, recognize they don't have the words or capacities to express what they want. This technique has been proven across many studies to be highly effective for regulating emotions and developing patience.
Connect Patience to a Higher Purpose
Purpose gives us the motivation to endure setbacks and waiting periods. (43:11) When you have a bigger "why" that extends beyond yourself, it becomes much easier to practice patience techniques. Schnitker's research with Muslim adolescents during Ramadan showed that those who fasted for spiritual and community reasons grew in patience and sustained those gains a month later. Similarly, marathon runners training for philanthropic causes developed more patience than those running only for personal fitness. The key is having a purpose bigger than personal pleasure or positive emotions.
Recognize Multiple Pathways to Finding Career Calling
There isn't just one "true calling" - you can find meaning through thoughtful trial and error rather than instant revelation. (96:09) Jennifer Tosti-Kharas explains that research identifies two pathways: venture (knowing from childhood) and discernment (learning through experiences). The discernment path involves thoughtfully having experiences, reflecting on what you liked and didn't like, adjusting accordingly, and trying again. This iterative, reflective learning process is just as valid as knowing your calling from an early age and often leads to more sustainable career satisfaction.
Statistics & Facts
- In a study tracking participants over four weeks, people who had both patience and courage in pursuing their goals did not show passivity or recklessness, but when they had one trait and not the other, they became either passive or reckless in goal pursuit. (29:37)
- During the COVID-19 pandemic, 46 North Texans drank bleach thinking it would prevent catching the virus, illustrating how our brains' desperate need for certainty can lead to dangerous behaviors during uncertain times. (18:22)
- Muslim adolescents who participated in Ramadan fasting showed sustained gains in patience one month after the holy month ended, demonstrating that patience training with spiritual purpose creates lasting behavioral changes. (45:45)
