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Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
In this episode of Hidden Brain, host Shankar Vedantam explores the psychology of downward spirals and how our minds can set us up for failure or success. (04:09) The episode features Stanford psychologist Greg Walton, who studies how mental factors create self-fulfilling prophecies and belonging uncertainty that can trap us in negative cycles. Through compelling stories including his own canoe mishap and college experiences, Walton illustrates how small facts can lead to big theories that derail our progress. The episode also includes a "Your Questions Answered" segment with Georgetown neuroscientist Abigail Marsh, who addresses listener questions about extreme altruism and the science behind extraordinary kindness.
Greg Walton is a psychologist at Stanford University and author of "Ordinary Magic: The Science of How We Can Achieve Big Change with Small Acts." He specializes in studying psychological interventions that can redirect people from downward spirals toward success, with particular expertise in belonging uncertainty and self-fulfilling prophecies.
Abigail Marsh is a psychologist and neuroscientist at Georgetown University and author of "The Fear Factor: How One Emotion Connects Altruists, Psychopaths, and Everyone in Between." She studies extreme altruism, including people who donate kidneys to strangers, and has found that highly altruistic individuals have larger amygdalas on average, making them better at recognizing others' distress.
Greg Walton introduces the concept of a "TIFFbit" - a tiny fact that we attach a big theory to, often leading us astray. (20:03) The term originated from a story about his brother's relationship ending because his girlfriend couldn't handle him not tucking in his shirt at Macy's - she drew massive conclusions about their compatibility from this minor detail. We all fall victim to TIFFbits when we're psychologically vulnerable, reading enormous meaning into small events that tap into our deeper fears about belonging, competence, or worthiness.
When we feel uncertain about whether we belong in a space - whether it's a new school, workplace, or social group - we become hypersensitive to potential signs of rejection. (17:41) Walton explains that events like not being invited to lunch, receiving a poor grade, or not getting an email response become "evidence" that confirms our fears about not belonging. This creates a dangerous feedback loop where our anxiety makes us interpret neutral events negatively, which reinforces our anxiety.
Walton describes how our minds move from questioning ("Do I belong here?") to believing ("I don't belong") to treating that belief as an unchangeable fact. (25:05) Like clay that becomes rigid when fired, our thought patterns and behaviors become fixed, making it increasingly difficult to break out of negative cycles. This calcification affects not just our thinking but our relationships and interactions with others.
One of the most powerful interventions is helping people understand that struggles and setbacks are normal parts of growth, not permanent indicators of inadequacy. (33:44) Walton's belonging intervention with African American college students involved sharing stories from diverse upperclassmen about their own belonging struggles, helping participants see that their difficulties were temporary and common rather than unique signs of not belonging.
When Walton's son burst into tears at a museum, thinking he'd been left behind, Walton used the technique of "surfacing" - explicitly naming the emotion his son was experiencing. (42:00) By saying "You were scared you'd be left behind, right?" he helped his son relax and let go of the fear. This technique works because it brings unconscious worries into conscious awareness, making them easier to address and resolve.