World Leading Therapist: Why You Feel Stuck in Life & How to Get Unstuck
Timestamps are as accurate as they can be but may be slightly off. We encourage you to listen to the full context.
Podcast Summary
In this episode, Mel Robbins speaks with world-renowned therapist Lori Gottlieb about how changing the story you tell yourself can completely transform your life. (00:29) Gottlieb explains that the person you talk to most isn't your spouse or best friend—it's yourself, and the narrative you've been repeating is likely keeping you stuck in self-doubt, anxiety, and overwhelm. (01:37) The conversation reveals how our faulty, incomplete stories dictate every choice we make and every way we move through the world, from our relationships to our career decisions. (07:59) Gottlieb teaches practical tools for identifying these limiting narratives and provides a framework for editing them to create more empowering stories that align with who you truly want to become.
- Core theme: You are the sole author of your life story, and changing your narrative can break cycles of self-sabotage and unlock your potential for meaningful relationships and personal growth
Speakers
Mel Robbins
Mel Robbins is a bestselling author, motivational speaker, and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast. She's known for her practical approach to personal development and her #1 bestselling book "The Let Them Theory," helping millions of people transform their lives through actionable strategies.
Lori Gottlieb
Lori Gottlieb is a world-renowned psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author of "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone," which has sold over 3 million copies and been translated into more than 30 languages. She writes the popular "Ask the Therapist" column for The New York Times, hosts two podcasts (Dear Therapists and Since You Asked), and holds degrees from Stanford and Pepperdine, with previous careers in medicine and journalism.
Key Takeaways
Recognize That You're Dancing, Not Just Reacting
Every challenging relationship dynamic is like a dance where you're doing specific steps. (08:53) Gottlieb explains that while you can't change another person, you can absolutely influence them by changing your dance steps. When you shift your response pattern, the other person either has to change their steps or fall off the dance floor entirely. This reframes conflict from feeling powerless to recognizing your agency in every interaction.
Use the "If It's Hysterical, It's Historical" Rule
When you have an outsized emotional reaction to something—like feeling 95 degrees when it's really 80—there's usually a story from your past influencing your response. (21:59) The key questions to ask yourself are: "Is there something about what I'm experiencing right now that feels familiar?" and "As an adult, what can I do differently with this feeling?" This helps you respond to the present situation rather than reacting to past wounds.
Apply the "Kind, True, Useful" Filter to Your Self-Talk
Before accepting any thought about yourself, ask three questions: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it useful? (43:36) If your inner dialogue doesn't meet all three criteria, it doesn't deserve space in your story. This simple filter immediately stops harmful self-criticism and faulty narratives like "I'm not good enough" from running your life, since most negative self-talk fails at least one of these tests.
Practice "Unknowing Yourself" to Rewrite Your Story
Start with a blank page and question everything you think you "know" about yourself. (33:54) Create two columns: one with limiting stories you've carried (like "I'm too sensitive" or "I'm not smart enough") and another with counterexamples that disprove these narratives. This exercise reveals how you've been selectively gathering evidence to support negative stories while ignoring proof of your capabilities and worth.
Set Boundaries with Yourself, Not Others
Real boundaries aren't about controlling other people's behavior—they're about what you will consistently do when your requests aren't met. (83:34) Instead of saying "You're not respecting my boundaries," calmly enforce your boundary 100% of the time by following through on your stated consequence. This shifts you from victim to empowered author of your own experience.
Statistics & Facts
- Gottlieb's book "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone" has sold over 3 million copies and been translated into more than 30 languages, demonstrating the universal need for understanding how our stories shape our lives. (03:41)
- According to Gottlieb, we talk to ourselves more than any other person in our lives, yet most people incorrectly identify their spouse or close friend as the person they communicate with most. (41:59)
- Research supports that boundaries only work when enforced 100% of the time—doing it 98% of the time renders the boundary completely ineffective. (84:11)
